Computer killer strikes again
Hi, my name is Lori and I kill computers.
That’s how I’m going to introduce myself from now on. In the past year I’ve killed or (seriously maimed) no fewer than 4 computers. Regular readers may remember my earlier account about killing my most recent desktop computer with my mighty metal toe. That was only the beginning. The other day at work, right in front of a bunch of clients, I switched on the super-ninja wide-screen hi-fi laptop, and somehow my computer-toxic destruct-o-matic thought rays of doom caused a malfunction: smoke billowed from the laptop’s AC adapter jack, whereupon it whimpered in protest, sputtered and died in a final puff of burned-out-circuit stench. (Killing yet another computer was pretty bad, but the realization that I’d be without my precious Google for the next 4 hours was actually worse.)
Now computer number 5, the rockin’ new machine I bought just a few months ago (to replace the one that my toe sent to an early demise), is doing really weird things and flipping me random blue-screen birds. I think it knows its days are numbered and wants to make sure to make my life hell before it succumbs to whatever it is I do to these darn machines.
Hint: if ever I ask to borrow YOUR computer, make sure to give me a polite-but-firm NO.
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Whoooooot, again?! I was reading this with open mouth actually…
Are you sure, that you’re not TOO METAL at the moment, so it causes weird malfunctions and short circuits in you area?
Nevertheless, I hope this one stays alive for many months, even when it’s being freaky at the moment…
Take care and a big hug,
Robbo
Mmmm that truly sounds a little scary. My sister has the same thing too (just hope it’s not contagious) :-/
But cheer up! I’ll give you the same advice I gave her: go to Dell/IBM/Intel’s home page and check the jobs page. Considering your background, I’m pretty sure they’ll be more that interested in hiring you as a beta tester
Haha, I think I am just as bad!
This year alone I have destroyed, maimed, and killed 3 hard drives, and even managed to get my old CPU to catch a light (note to everyone, over clocking and thinking your un working head fan will be right is not a smart way to think!).
On the plus side, the CIA might hire you to work as an assasin to take out enermy computer systems…..
Hmmm… maybe I should send my boyfriend to you, he has a magic hand
Everytime my mother/brother calls us with some weird pc-problem (as “it does not even start at all”), it’s enough for him to start the computer, and it’s working fine! 
Sometimes we say ,that they are calling us only beacuse they miss us… but they sound too desperate in the phone… missing us isn’t such a bad thing as the malfunctioning pc!
well at leat we know what to give you for your next birthday
if we all chip in you should have enough to even be able to kill a couple, hahhahaha
be carefull, but we love you anyway
hugs,
Gwen
I’ll be the other side then, with computers lasting over 10 years with me
I’ve had two dead hard drives, but that’s about it.
Are you sure that laptop didn’t have a Sony battery pack? If it did, you’re lucky it just went “billow-die” instead of “mushroom-type-explosion-die” …
Incidentally, you can’t borrow my computer. Ever. Ever ever. No.
ha kristof,
if she looks at you sweetly, you’ll give her your computer, I am sure of it
hugs
Gwen
he lori,
remember the hugging man film you put out here, he’s on oprah right now here in holland, talking about it, hahahhaha
hugs,
Gwen
Isn’t there a helpgroup (like AA for alcoholics) for computer killers like yourself? You’ve got the introduction down quite alright!
Greetz Taz
Hey… “Computer Dies ?!” (SoP Live)
With it’s profound “Execute” sample ?! (Sorry !)
@Lori: I think you’re soooo metal, you started sending out EMP. Your mighty metal toe might work as an antenna
Just think about it. Instead of ESP, you have EMP, which is even more pinky respected! (Just don’t use it when you’re whielding your guitar!)
@Stephen H: Lol, now I can do another version on Computer Eyes.
(For those interested, the other version is found here:
http://www.ayreon.com/board/viewtopic.php?p=62576#62576
Scroll up to see where it came from ;))
Let me think about this for a while
Done
Fear in this world, computers beware
Not for spambots, even not spyware
Tell them who to fear…
A metal queen, face behind her locks
She makes the scene, all guys are in shock
Mighty toe is near
There is no escape
There is no way out of this
Us pc’s have no defence
’gainst the mighty metal toe
Cause when it arrives
It’s worse than windows
Our very demise
Computer dies
Lindstruth’s reality - computer overload
Actual horrorscene, ending of the road
Am I no more than a program
An artificial scream
A river of electrons hindered in it’s stream
The killer strikes again - destruct-o-matic thought rays
Mind over matter - a toe put in the wrong place
I don’t think i still exist, I smoke therefore I’m dead
Without connections, my memory is flat
There’s no escape, us pc’s have no defence
Cause when it arrives Our very demise
Computer dies
There is no escape
There is no way out of this
Us pc’s have no defence
’gainst the mighty metal toe
Cause when it arrives
It’s worse than windows
Our very demise
Computer dies
I say excellent version for the next SoP tour.. you should mail it to Marcela so she can start studying appel!
I’ll leave that to the Lorinator Icey
you know as well as I do that the Lorinator will never do such..
She posted it on her well read blog, so why not? I would find it very flattering if some one made a song for me
Remember the cover of the french magazine she was on? As far as I recall she mainly posted that because I shot the picture.. Lori isnt someone who’s always trying to get as much attention as possible. Posting on a blog or having people sing songs about you in front of crowds all over the world is quite something different
Hey Lori,your not alone everytime my dad walks into a bank the computers crash,he’s not allowed near my mums P.C(it crash when he was playing patience!)
Probably have to be accoustic if computer involved 
Appelmoes?? love the song
Isn’t Marcela reading this blog as well? Then she’ll find out herself…
Funny version, Appel
Appel… Bravo !!!
Go Appel!!! Go Appel!!!
Oh dear, Wordpress has stopped notifying me of all new comments, so I had no idea of all the activity here! *sigh* one more frikkin’ bug to track down…
Rob: What can I say. Being so frikkin’ metal has its disadvantages
Deactivating the enemy base? Bring it!
Juan: Your sis has my sympathies. It’s not easy being computer-toxic. I’m actually looking for a new job, so I might just take you up on that Dell tip!
JoeJoe: I feel your pain! And hey, “Agent Lorinator” has a nice ring to it
Gwen: hugs!
Kristof: Rub it in, why dontcha
Not sure about the model of the laptop(it’s fixed now, btw, but has been assigned to someone else) or battery. I can check next time I’m in the office.
Taz: Sign me up for that help group!
Stephen: Hey, maybe instead of smashing a guitar on stage, I could lay waste to a laptop!
Appel: Holy moly, you’ve outdone yourself! “It’s worse than Windows” hahahahhaha. Thanks for making my day
I’ll definitely see if Marcela and Diana will be up for at least one “Computer Dies” 
Thanks all for your sympathies and commiseration. Funny, since I posted this the computer’s actually been stable - no BSODs. Maybe it was just checking to see if it could get me to say very bad words (it worked).
You know it’s actually kind of scary now I think of it.. I posted about ‘excellent for the next SoP tour’ in here yesterday.. and today there is the news that there IS going to be a next SoP tour.. o0.. maybe im turning psychic
Bwahahah….Lori, Lori, Lori….(I could say that all day..oops, better not)
You’re just too MEEEETTTTAAAAAALLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL!!
oops, there goes the keyboard
Joop
Hi Lori I hope things improve.
I have a curse to it called bank charges I made another cock-up with how much wages I actually have left today, don’t worry it’s not infectious. For the last year every month somehow I’ve managed to go overdrawn no matter how careful I am whether it’s withdraw what I can spend in one go for the month or write down in a dairy what I spend. This means my budget gets completely *%&%ed. This time it means I will have to sell my Mostly Autumn ticket for Blakey Ridge which I have been looking forward to for weeks. Because there is no money for petrol to put in Edith-(Z750 motorbike). 8-(
Winge over, Appelmoes?? I liked computer dies, that has cheered me up.8-)
bye for now
@ Cos: you’ve to sell your Mostly Autumn ticket? Aww, that’s really sad to hear. I saw them yesterday, and they were superb. What a fantastic show, unforgettable.
I won’t make you extra sad, but hope you’ll see them ASAP!
Take care,
Rob